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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has always been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and key events, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to discover that Big Website columnist a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory at half-time during a 2015 defeat versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career playing for City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|